Archive for the Category »Parents «

A privilege for sure

26 Aug 2009 by Leish

Me, Jords, Carli and Emily (one of Jordie’s special friends) just came home from a girls night out at Luigi’s.  What a beautiful evening for me.  It was such a lovely privilege to sit with these three little personalities and watch them interact.  Listening to their conversation, the things that are important to them and being invited into their world for a moment.  I decided that I wouldn’t try to teach or point them in the right direction or question anything that was said.  I wanted to try my best to just be present in what ever shape or form was good for them.

I am so lucky as a parent to be a part of these moments in my girls’ lives. Especially since as they grow older they may become fewer as mom’s are not seen as so cool anymore. But for now I will savour every moment and try to forever remember……….

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The perfect mix

17 Aug 2009 by Leish

We were privileged to spend a week with our dear friends and my beautiful brother, Marlon, at Umngazi River Bungalows.  We also got to meet Solveig (Marlon’s gorgeous girlfriend).  Jords and Carli were in their element as they spent time with “Grim” and Mich, Zara and Kinvarah, and of course their uncle and Solveig.  I could never find them during the week and when I did I literally had to force myself onto them to get a kiss or a hug or a “howzit mom”…….. I loved watching them go about their business in the company of people that gave them so much love and attention and that they were completely comfortable with. Of course the secure environment made all the difference.

What would it take for us to create this idyllic situation back home?  The right mix of people with the right amount of love, the right amount of space to explore and create some independence, and a safe environment to learn and experience life in its fullness and beauty.  Would be nice?

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Music and Life

27 Jul 2009 by Leish

I found this clip.  So great.  Here’s to dancing and singing to the music and teaching our kids to do the same!

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Social Interactions

25 Jul 2009 by Leish

I remember when I was in Std 4 and 5 (Grade 6 and 7) – I seemed to always be in the middle of a ‘friend crisis’. My best friend would change daily. If it wasn’t Paula, then it was Cathy. If it wasn’t Cathy then it was Mel. And if it wasn’t Mel it was probably Paula again. It often depended on whose house I was going to play at or who I would be sleeping over at on the weekend. I do remember feeling secure and at peace when I had a special friend to rely on. One that I would be sure would play with me at break or sit with me on the bus. One that would send notes during class and that would dress the same as me when we went to a party. So yes at the age of 11 or 12 I was thrown into the deep end of my social interactions with friends.

Jordie’s teacher called in a little group of girls from her Grade (Grade 3) last week to try ‘sort out’ the social dynamics that were happening amongst them. She used the example of division. Much to these little girl’s amusement. How if you choose to leave someone out it would mean that they would be the remainder in a division sum and how do you think that would feel?

Of course I was expecting my girls to find themselves in a place of trying to work out where they fit into their friendship group. Searching for a little understanding of how to be and what to say to be accepted and liked for who they are. And also to learn how to be confident in who they are and what they have to offer that may be uniquely them. I want them to believe in who they are so that they can choose their friends and still be kind and good to others around them. I just didn’t expect things to get so hectic so quickly.

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Second children

15 Jul 2009 by Leish

I had a greatSee full size image conversation with Carli’s teacher about her class this year.  It seems that these little six year olds have a very laid back and “chilled” take on life.  There seems to be no real drive to succeed, compete or even impress their teacher.  If they are reprimanded, they just take it in their stride with an attitude of  ‘don’t get your knickers in a knot, it’s not that serious’.  There is no keen sense of healthy competition amongst the peer group.  No inner drive to go all out and tackle the tasks that are presented to them.  Yet these kids are mostly highly capable, bright and fun-loving little individuals.

As we continued in our conversation it dawned on us that more than half of the class have older siblings.  So of course we got to thinking about what the effects of being a second child were.  I’ve often heard mom’s talking about how responsible, competitive and focused their first borns are, and how relaxed their second’s are in nature.  (Of course we also know that we as mom’s were more relaxed second time round.)

Well here in front of our eyes we seem to have a case in point and a perfect opportunity to continue to observe and nurture a majority group of second born children in Gr R N. 

Category: Children, Education, Parents, Schools  2 Comments

Moments of silence

04 Jul 2009 by Leish

Carli has been so sick this week.  A serious bout of flu and inflamed tonsils has reduced my usually content and energetic little girl into a bundle of coughing, spluttering, high temperatures and FLATNESS. 
In the busyness of taking care of her, day and night: changing her clothing after a vomit, giving her medicine, trying to get her to eat something, placing a wet facecloth on her forehead to help bring down her temperature: I had moments of silence…… 
Sitting with Carli in my arms gave me a sense of feeling completely content. This is where I had to be in this moment.  As much as I would’ve taken her pain and discomfort away from her in a flash, I was grateful for the opportunity to just be, without wondering if I should be doing more!

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When does it become too much?

17 Jun 2009 by Leish

I have been told by friends that my biggest fault as a parent is that I respond to my kids’ every need, as they need it.  For my friends – I am exhausting to watch as I listen, play with, pour a drink, tend to a cut, watch a netball practice, read a story, rush to be not a minute late after school and throw all the energy I can muster into being the kind of parent that has felt right for me. 

So how do I know when it’s too much?  How do I know if and when it is unhealthy for my kids and unhealthy for me?  When do I inhibit their sense of independence by “doing too much” and at what stage do I become less than a good mom as I fail to share my own boundaries and need for space?

Category: Children, Parents  4 Comments

So Different

04 Jun 2009 by Leish

How is it that two kids from the same parents can be so different.  The nature/nurture debate?  I reckon they are sent to us “different” to keep us on our toes.  We could never do with one what we do with the other.  We could never think about one the way we do the other.  Conversations and questions are different.  I absolutely love it.

At the moment the big joke is that every morning we offer for Jords to stay home from school – bunk!  She would way sooner eat a tongue and pickle sandwich with butter (which she hates) than take us up on our offer.  Carli on the other hand wakes up every morning and asks to bunk school.  And what would really make it a perfect day would be to give her a tub of butter to stick her fingers in and eat away.

The beauty for me is how I am able to be different for them.  Of course they both need my love, nurturing, mothering but I am kept on my toes to catch those moments when they need me to meet them in their unique space.  Their individual worlds that are different and so very beautiful.

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Be warned! It stays busy.

31 May 2009 by Leish

When my girls were little I used to feel overwhelmed by the amount of time all the practical care took to do well. Bathing, dressing, feeding, putting down to sleep, watching what they touched and chewed and then starting all over again.
 
Carli is now six and Jords is nine and although they are past the stage of sucking on anything they can find or falling down stairs, needing to feed at regular times or learning to swim, I’m amazed at how much time it takes to do what I do now.  Their weekly schedules are crazy with trying to fit in all the extra murals and suddenly it’s overflowed into our weekends. Sporting matches and competitions.  Homework.  Now the emotional issues that arise. Chatting about all sorts of things that crop up in their day.  Yes it’s exhausting but I love it.

I love that I can be a part of their little lives.  It is a gift and I will forever appreciate it.  No matter how many soiree’s I have to sit through, netball matches I have to support or early morning gymnastics competitions or soccer practices I have to attend (even on Sundays), I will do so with appreciation and a heart filled with joy.  Forever.

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One of those days….

30 May 2009 by Leish

I’m having one of those days where I feel pulled.  A bunch of voices calling for my attention and not being able to satisfy them all, least of all myself.

How do I do it? Jump on the trampoline, play baby baby, make lunch, check emails, get back to clients, be energetic and invest time in my family as a whole as well as in the individuals.  Me, I just want time to plan, write up a schedule, do the right thing for the right people at the right time.  Just to make sure that everyone else is happy.

It’s not a new scenario I’ve described.  Most of us as parents live with these demands.  Most of us feel desperate for more time, more energy, more patience to do things just right.  Most of us just feel desperate.

Category: Children, Parents, Stress  2 Comments